This is so important, I'm surprised I've not talked about it sooner. Well, better late than never!
What are Love Languages?
I'm sure most of you have heard of love languages, which refer to the various ways people naturally express and receive love. Dr. Gary Chapman identified five main types: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Understanding your own love language and your partner's (or child's/family member's/friend's) helps you communicate affection more effectively, because what makes one person feel loved might be different from what makes another person feel loved. I'll explain why this is important after I describe each one.
1. Words of Affirmation
- Expressing love through verbal compliments and appreciation
- Includes encouraging words, "I love you," and "I appreciate you"
- Written notes, texts, and spoken praise all matter deeply
- Criticism or harsh words can be particularly hurtful to these individuals
2. Quality Time
- Giving someone your full, undivided attention
- Being present without distractions like phones or TV
- Engaging in meaningful conversations and activities together
- It's not just about being in the same room, but truly connecting
3. Receiving Gifts
- Valuing thoughtful, tangible symbols of love
- The meaning and effort behind the gift matters more than cost
- Remembering special occasions is important
- Even small tokens show "you were thinking of me"
4. Acts of Service
- Showing love through helpful actions and gestures
- Doing tasks you know would ease their burden
- Could include cooking, running errands, or handling chores
- "Actions speak louder than words" is important
5. Physical Touch
- Expressing love through physical connection and closeness
- Includes hugs, hand-holding, kisses, and cuddling
- Physical presence and touch provide comfort and security
- Absence of touch or physical distance can feel like rejection
Why are Love Languages Important?
The best way to explain why love languages are important is to give you a real example—mine. My love language is Words of Affirmation, while my husband's is Physical Touch. Here's the challenge: I've never been comfortable with being touched. Whether it's because I'm an empath and find physical contact overwhelming, or for some other reason, it's just not how I naturally connect. You can probably see the potential problem here. My husband's primary way of showing love is the very thing that doesn't resonate with me.
He expresses his love through hugs, cuddling, and being close to me. If I'm not receptive to that, it can make him feel rejected, even though that's not my intention at all. Meanwhile, I feel most loved when he verbally expresses his feelings and appreciation. So if he's not saying the words, I might feel unloved, even when he's actively showing love in his own way.
This is exactly why understanding love languages matters. We were both giving love, but we weren't speaking each other's language. Once we recognized this pattern, we both made conscious efforts to show our love how the other person needs to receive it.
Side Note:
Also, words affect me deeply. If someone says something mean or rude, it's like a slap in my face. Likewise, a simple short text can make my day. So if your loved one's love language is Words of Affirmation, be mindful of what you say because they're more than just words to them.